This year has been bitter-sweet for me. First, I thank God for all His generous blessings; He has been very good in allowing me to experience this year. 2010 brought me many tears and much happiness; all at the same time. I experienced a painful divorce which was totally unexpected; while still grieving the death of my mother.
When I found myself alone in my apartment, I didn’t know what to do; I felt lost and sad and couldn’t think about anything other than the deep pain in my heart. It took me many months to start unpacking the boxes which covered my living room; I just didn’t have any desire to deal with it. I didn’t care that my house was in shambles; I didn’t eat or sleep well. I would awake in the middle of the night and angrily speak to my ex-husband – yelling at him all the hurt that was in my heart.
I cried every day at work and at home at night. All alone, I didn’t know what I would do, how I would do it, or if it was worth doing it. I didn’t care whether I lived or died. I told God that He could take me with Him whenever He wanted – I felt at peace. It was a terrible time for me. I was plunged to the depths of despair and sorrow but I clung to faith and dumped all my sorrow on Jesus and He worked miracles in my life. He extended His hand, I grabbed it with all my might, and He lifted me up little by little.
I was shown what real friendship looks like in new friends I made and in old friends who stood with me through it all. I was also shown what real friendship doesn’t look like; people who I thought were my friends never contacted me to offer their sympathy for the demise of my marriage. These were people who I thought were my friends, but truly weren’t.
I have experienced friendships with people who have encouraged me to continue living my life, who have opened my eyes to my true worth, who gave back to me my womanhood, who encouraged me to continue improving myself professionally and spiritually. The most important lesson I have learned has been – that I know who I am; I am setting my own rules, I know what I want and don’t want, and I am more assertive in what I want for my life.
I learned that I can take care of myself, even though I am scared at having to take care of myself all by myself, I feel God’s presence always. He has shown me that my greatest fears can be conquered when I trust in Him and hand over my life to Him.
I have maintained my dignity through it all, even through the toughest times. I learned how to shake off my sorrow and enjoy myself. I love all the people who have touched my life this year, I thank God for my family who has been so supportive of me and have understood me well enough to give me my space and let me grieve in my own way. I am still grieving the death of my mother and I have retreated to my home to be alone with my thoughts and feelings. I hope that my family and friends understand that I need to do this, it is healthy for me to do this, it is necessary for me to do this; this is my best therapy right now.
I thank God that I will be going on a New Year’s cruise with my best friend Giny. It will be the first true vacation I have taken this year; I am excited about starting my vacation. I want to leave behind all the painful memories of this year and look forward to the unexpected experiences of the New Year.
I thank God for all my wonderful friends who have made this year unforgettable and a wild ride of emotions. I have made so many new friends through Facebook, friends from California, New York, New Jersey, Italy, Australia, India, Nigeria, and Miami. Thank you. You have all enriched my life and I am a better person for having known all of you. Thanks to one of my Facebook friends, I started a blog of my own, where I can write my thoughts – as a diary and I can use it to teach others about my faith and political views. My greatest desire is that I have made a positive impact on at least one of you.
I pray for each and every one of you. May God pour His sweetest blessings over all of you today and this coming year.
I wish all of you the happiest New Year filled with good health, love, joy, and prosperity. Love you all…
Sincerely, Laura
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